Confronting Fear

"Just hit send, just hit the button. What are you waiting for? Press send!"

My own brain was screaming at me to send the email but my fingers were resisting. I had been trolling Craigslist for weeks waiting for an opportunity like this. Now that it was finally here I was petrified. What if I applied to this second shooting opportunity and never heard back? Would I be able to keep the confidence I needed to keep going? What If I did hear back? Was I really ready for this? What if they thought I was ridiculous for applying? What if my work is actually terrible? What if I don't have the right equipment? What if I let them down? What if they aren't real photographers? What if I get kidnapped and killed? Just hit send. So I did. 

Months later I'm sitting in the car on the highway ten seconds away from a nervous breakdown. Without going into detail about how terrible I am with directions, I'll just say that I took the wrong ramp and am now sitting in the express lane knowing there is no way to take the next exit I need. Please don't ask me how that happened. This is it. I'm going to miss the ceremony. The primary photographer is going to hate me. She'll never let me work with her again. She should have never hired me. Me and my car are going to end up in Timbuktu or God knows where. At this point I am seriously considering trying to jump the median.

Don't worry too much. Both those situations ended up working out. They were real photographers I contacted and I ended up working tons of weddings with them. Also I managed to take the next exit on the highway get back on the collectors and get to the destination on time. Not without having to pull over and take several deep breaths and then also having to bolt into the church from the parking lot but it worked out in the end. That's the thing with your biggest fears. They never seem to turn out as badly as you imagine they could. In the end you learn more about yourself and what you are capable of. 

Toronto Wedding Photographer